I’m a technology mom. I’m a geek. I’m married to a software engineer while having a way too-close relationship on the side with my laptop, smartphone, and many other electronic devices. On the Today show Meredith Vieira called me an example of “Today’s Tech Mom,” resulting in friends and family members referring to me as “Techno-Mom” for months to follow. 

I got my hair cut this week. The universe breathed a sigh of relief when I left the salon. It was wondering when I was going to do something about the disaster that is my head.

I hardly ever cut my hair, seeing as how I don't have time to read a book let alone leave my house all by myself for a haircut. Not to mention the fact that my stylist charges the equivalent of a tropical, five-star vacation.

When Maria was just a few months old and at the height of drooly, chubby deliciousness, my husband asked when she would start to speak.

I told him it varies from child to child, but I felt she already communicated plenty. The child then yelled out her first "Mama!'' when she was just 9 months old and has gone full-throttle on the language – two of them – since.

If you have kids – especially teenagers – that need to be dropped off or picked up at school, you will probably encounter at least one of these rules in some form at some point in your career as a chauffeur. Here are the rules as declared by my teens followed by my own version. For the record, my rules trump theirs.

“BUTT! STUPID! SHUT UP! CRAP!”

These were the words I heard floating down the stairs one evening last week. My husband, I noticed earlier, had taken our three sons into our bedroom and closed the door. And so it was with more than a little surprise I heard these words (all of them normally off-limits) being shouted. Nervously, and, perhaps, a little gleefully.

I’ve conducted some highly scientific studies using my own observations and creativity as the basis, and I’ve come up with this elaborate and highly accurate graph. The data proves my theory that children are very loud all the time and slow when it comes to doing something important or time-sensitive. They are fast when there is absolutely no need to be. Teenagers are generally slow and quiet except when they’re loud and fast; and adults tend to be generally quiet, fast in time-sensitive situations, and slow when time is not an issue.

I'm going to totally embarrass my mom here and talk about my underwear in public. Specifically, nursing bras and how much they suck. (Ha! Suck! I am hilarious!)

I didn't buy new nursing bras when Molly was born. Why? Because I already own four, and combined those flimsy pieces of lace and spandex cost as much as one mortgage payment. They'd last a little longer, right? Get me through at least another six months, right?

I spent the weekend in a country house surrounded by tall trees and two lakes. Inside, there were two hot tubs, a foosball table and a mirrored master bedroom with a bed that hung and swung. I kid you not. Glory and kitch all in one, the perfect spot for Chick Weekend 2008.

Last week I celebrated my 39th birthday. I am not one of those women who becomes upset at the mention of her age. In fact, I am proud of the things I have done in the past 39 years (for the most part). So there I am enjoying my day and not pondering age or crow’s feet or wrinkles, when my eight-year-old daughter asked me how old I was.

I told her.

The genetic pathways in my family seem to follow mostly straight lines. Corrie has my eyes and tendency to talk without ceasing. Adam has Hubs' cowlicks and his math skills. Stephen has my facial structure and my lack of math skills. Joseph has Hubs' height.